The Quiet Confidence Playbook (how to have chill confidence)
I like modesty. There’s a certain comfort that comes with humility and staying low-key with stuff. So this is my take on quiet confidence and how to have it.
Being covertly confident means letting your actions and results speak for themselves. It’s more passive but, in my rather humble opinion, looks better.
Quiet confidence is when you internally know some truth about yourself and feel no need to prove it to anyone else. It’s patience mixed with modesty. And it feels good.
This post shares how I practice building it.
So let’s do this!
Table of Contents Show
What Is Quiet Confidence? (meaning, signs + benefits)
Quiet confidence is silent assuredness in yourself, your skills and/or your knowledge. It means quieting your ego and not feeling the need for any external validation. It’s being chill about yourself.
It’s modesty for your skills, talents and self. But it’s important that you still maintain some confidence (because too much modesty isn’t good either).
So let’s explore what quiet confidence looks like.
8 Signs of Quiet Confidence
Patience and calmness
A welcoming attitude to setbacks or failures
An optimistic and happy outlook
Not boasting about your accomplishments
Not comparing yourself to others
A growth mindset
A willingness to take risks or try new things
Independent
The Power of Quiet Confidence (8 benefits)
People will trust you and your expertise more
You’re less likely to speak too soon or need to retract statements
People will be more naturally curious about you
Less stress and anxiety
Higher emotional intelligence
More externally aware
A strong proclivity for growth
Quiet confidence just looks more attractive
How to Have Quiet Confidence (6 tips)
Ready to quietly exude confidence? Epic.
Here’s what I do.
1. Focus On Skill Building (not praise)
Looking for outside approval or validation is rarely helpful.
So this first tip is simple: stop looking for praise and just focus on building out your skills and personal happiness.
Looking for praise or approval is one of the biggest signs of a lack of confidence.
But of course, this is normal. And it’s totally OK to feel this way (I definitely fall into this trap still – we’re all human).
But becoming aware is step one. Taking action is step two.
An efficient way to build quiet confidence – nay, any confidence – is to build out your skillset.
Because when you focus on something – anything – for a long period of time, and you put in the work, you get really good at it.
You become confident and competent in it.
It becomes a feedback loop of confidence and competence, whereby increased competence creates more confidence, which fuels more motivation, skill building and competence.
So focus on your skills, knowledge and expertise. Ignore the praise, ignore the hate and everything in between.
Quiet confidence lives here.
2. Do More, Talk Less
This one is hard. Because talking about and sharing what we’re doing is addictive and enticing.
I mean, this is totally fine to do sometimes, especially when people ask you “hey, what are you doing…tell me about this thing…”.
But it’s all too easy to talk too much, and not do enough.
Because sharing some grandiose plan or goal is a cheap hit of dopamine. There’s some initial praise and interest from your friends and family, sure.
It feels good, definitely.
But it’s cheap. It’s easy. It doesn’t require having actually done anything towards the goal yet.
Eventually, that initial feel-good of sharing plans (not results) turns into guilt or even embarrassment.
So getting into the habit of talking less and doing more is a great way to build quiet confidence.
Because the fact is, if you’re doing more, your actions eventually tend to speak louder than your words.
Again, sharing what you’re working on with close friends and family is amazing.
But controlling this habit is also important – especially if you want to sharpen your quiet confidence skills.
Recommended: How to Think Less, Talk Less + Do More
3. Have A Clear Purpose
Purpose guides us. Purpose drives us.
Purpose gives us confidence and assuredness in what we’re doing and why.
Defining purpose is an important step in meeting big goals, but it’s often overlooked (or just quickly considered).
And when you know exactly what you’re going for and why, you’re more content and sure of yourself and your actions.
A good purpose is often rooted in your personal values.
For example, a few of my core values are creativity, authenticity and autonomy.
My goals and actions almost always circle back to these personal tenets of mine. Whenever I’m feeling a lack of confidence or motivation, I remember my values.
This gives me a shot of energy and a sense of calm confidence.
I remember what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.
So what are your values and what is a core goal of yours? Do your actions, behaviors and habits support these things?
Often, our level of quiet confidence hinges on considering these simple questions.
Recommended: Find Your Ikigai (your purpose)
4. Be Intentional + Decisive
For me, a lot of confidence (both perceived and felt) comes from decisiveness and intentionality.
Knowing exactly what you want is step one. But knowing how you’re going to work towards it and having a clear action plan is step two.
This makes you look intentional and boosts the likelihood of reaching your goals (which becomes a feedback loop for more confidence).
One way I like to make my goals more strategic is to reverse engineer them into smaller, more actionable steps. These micro moves add up and compound over time. Small ws eventually become big Ws.
So if you’re looking to quiet an ego, isolate exactly what it is you want, make a plan for getting it and be decisive.
Keep your head down and don’t look for (or care about) results, metrics or approval.
Sooner or later, results will start to trickle out — often in the form of humility, expertise and quiet confidence.
Recommended: Do More of What Makes You Happy
5. Listen More + Celebrate Others Before Yourself
Shining a light on other people first is one of my favorite strategies.
This means listening more than speaking and celebrating other people’s successes, ideas or hard work (before your own).
Also, when you listen more than you speak and celebrate others, you learn. You learn what others are doing, what’s working (or not working) and what resonates with people.
When we talk, we’re usually just repeating what we already know (or what we think we already know).
Listening and boosting other’s before yourself also supports more humility and patience. And these attributes are key components of quiet confidence.
And as a final (more obvious point), more listening means you’re more quiet (which is the whole goal here).
Talking too much completely defeats the purpose of quiet confidence.
The trick is knowing when to talk and when to listen. As a simple rule of thumb, I try to only talk or give advice when someone directly asks me to. I also only talk about things I have direct experience with.
This all helps me to build credibility, trust and quiet confidence.
6. Travel More
There’s no way around it, traveling (especially solo traveling) just makes you more confident. It’s actually one of the most effective ways to become more sure of yourself.
It’s also the most fun way (in my opinion, at least).
Of course, it’s not always easy to just hop on a plane and go traveling. But starting small by visiting nearby towns you’ve never explored or different parts of your city are great first steps.
Then, you can start expanding outward with short day trips or road trips, flying domestically and eventually, doing some international travel.
Traveling is a one way ticket to more quiet confidence. Broadening your perspectives, patience and understanding of the world and different cultures is powerful stuff.
So start planning that trip — you won’t regret it.
Recommended: How to Travel More Often
Later ✌️
Quiet confidence is chill assuredness in yourself and your skills or knowledge.
It’s modesty, but with just the right amount of confidence. It’s powerful stuff and nothing looks quite as confident as letting your actions speak for themselves.
My favorite ways to improve my quiet confidence is to practice listening more, travel and just focusing on taking action by doing more than I say.
Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements. But balancing your progress with a low-key attitude makes them even sweeter.
Want More? Okay. Here’s More.
